Nope, its all a bunch of superstition.  I don't even know if he saw his shadow today or not..haven't heard.  Happy Imbolc though!

I love when its cold, snowy, and/or rainy!  GIves me an excuse to cuddle up under the blankets and watch the weather while eating warm soup!

Usually hanging out at home with family and watching the ball drop.  I really enjoy this tradition.  New Years is a time of reflection, not a time of drunkeness for me.

Still around, just not as often.  Maybe I can start posting more this new year..

HEKATE (or Hecate) was the goddess of magic, witchcraft, the night, moon, ghosts and necromancy. She was the only child of the Titanes Perses and Asteria from whom she received her power over heaven, earth, and sea.Hekate assisted Demeter in her search for Persephone, guiding her through the night with flaming torches. After the mother-daughter reunion became she Persephone's minister and companion in Haides.


www.theoi.com/Khthonios/Hekate.html

"Hekate was a torch-bearing goddess of the night, the leader of haunting ghosts and inspirer of the night-time baying of hounds. She may have been a goddess of the moon or rather of moonless starlit nights."

"Hekate ... pleased with dark ghosts that wander through the shade ... nightly seen." - Orphic Hymn 1 to Hecate"

"Hekate Brimo ... hearing his words from the abyss, came up ... She was garlanded by fearsome snakes that coiled themselves round twigs of oak; the twinkle of a thousand torches lit the scene; and hounds of the underworld barked shrilly all around her." - Apollonius Rhodius, Argonautica 3.1194"

"[Selene the Moon cries:] `How many times ... have you [the witchMedea ] disorbed me with your incantations, making the night moonless so that you might practise your beloved witchcraft undisturbed." - Apollonius Rhodius, Argonautica 4.55
[NB Hekate empowered witches with the power to draw down the moon.]

"Out of Erebos and Chaos she called Nox (Night) and the Di Nocti (Gods of Night) and poured a prayer with long-drawn wailing cries to Hecate." - Ovid, Metamorphoses 10.403

www.theoi.com/Khthonios/HekateGoddess.html#Night

 ( Lyrics )

 Trying to take this time as a gift, a sign to relax and focus on the things that matter, family, school, friends, Nick and finding happiness.  In one way the stress is for now eliminated but in others I feel bad for putting any burden on my parents even if it was accidental.

Oh well..this too shall pass.  

 Well, I'm doing much better today than I was yesterday, or even this morning.  After some consideration I've decided yesterday's extreme emotions were caused by stress, anger, and anxiety compounded by my increased dosage of medication.  It was the equivalent of a mental stomachache on an already stressful day, so things were made quite worse than they were.  I still feel many of those things, but without the level of intensity as I had felt them yesterday.  Work and school stress me out so much right now.  Both working and going to school full time has been overwhelming.  I feel as if I'm on perpetual burnout.  I am constantly in fear of losing my job, I'm tired of the workplace drama, I loathe my supervisor, and doing what I have been has become extremely unhealthy for me.  I am beyond ready to quit.  With the holidays approaching I'm worried about how I'll pay for gifts and Nick's upcoming trip.  I'll be 21 in nine days and I'm in no way ready to leave home, however I feel increasing pressure to do so.  When I move out I want it to be to Canada, not an apartment down the street where I'll be so lonely on my own.  And to top things off, my relationship is suffering, but I'll keep that out of here for now.

Anyways, I wrote that out at work earlier today and decided I needed to vent it again.

Lost, confused, worried.  Trying to figure out who I am while blocking out important memories.  Introspection.  What do I believe, what do I feel?  This place doesn't feel like home.  Invisible, unimportant, stress, fear.

That about cryptically sums it up. 

 Throughout my years of exploring paganism, I have often struggled with this question; What is deity? What do I believe?  How does it effect or influence me and my practice?  I have struggled between hard-polytheism, soft-polytheism, pantheism, and atheism.  I have done enough soul-searching and introspection to make myself sick and I still don't know exactly what deity is.  A friend once told me something I've found to be very profound.  Her statement was this, "the divine is simple".  Often when I find myself struggling with over-thinking spirituality I repeat this phrase to myself.  "Chill out, Caitlin, you're over-thinking, the divine is simple".

When in doubt its often helpful to remember why I left my former religion for paganism in the first place.  Its nice to re-visit the joy, wonderment, and excitement I felt upon first walking this path, when every snowflake of a fresh yuletide snowfall or a cool summer breeze meant something special, as if every moment my gods were communicating with me.  Things were simpler then..happier.  I had no doubt my gods existed, indeed I often saw proof of their existence in little, everyday things and in nature.

Now whether because the newness has long ago worn off or the stress of adult life (vs. highschool) I have lost much of what I once felt.  I am now a person who thrives on "knowing" and security, both things which I've lost in recent years, both in my spiritual and everyday life.  

Recently I've been attempting to reconcile my hard-polytheist beliefs with my belief that myth is a metaphor (or made up).  You see, I believe the gods are their own separate entities, however I don't view any part of any myth as literal fact.  I also don't believe any god is omnipotent or creators of the world or universe.  The gods, in my eyes, are products of nature, of our Earth, just as we are.  I also believe they are influenced by man.  To explain, I believe myth was created by man to explain natural phenomena they didn't understand (i.e. thunder) and to pass cultural rules and stories on to later generations.  At this point I generally become rather stumped and ask myself, how can Thor be the god of myth if myth is a metaphor, or something created by man?  As much as I try to reconcile these concepts, I have failed time and time again.  I find the best thing to do is ignore the contradiction as if it doesn't exist, however such a conflicted spirituality is not one I want.  Eventually as I continue to grow and change something will give and it will all make sense, either myth will no longer be a metaphore or I will no longer be a hard-polytheist.  One thing I know for certain is that we can gain a lot from the myths whether its learning about our ancient ancestors or incorporating them into our spirituality, or anything in between.

I think I'll be conflicted for quite awhile, with only my own feelings and logic to guide me.  I follow no sacred text or any specific path..I am eclectic.   For now all I can keep telling myself is to stop making things so complicated, keep it simple.

ETA:

I realize now and when I originally wrote this that maybe this can be reconciled by asserting that what was learned of the gods was through many UPGs (unverfiable personal gnosis) compiled by the ancients, however at his point I haven't brought myself to necessarily believe that.  However that may change as I do.

 I suppose I should have shared a while ago but I've been avoiding it..I'm self-conscious.  And lazy.

Here's a link to the interview:http://mysticwicksmagazine.com/?p=705


And Article: http://mysticwicksmagazine.com/?p=714

I really need to update this and I keep telling myself I will.  Its always on my mind.  I guess I'll just procrastinate some more. 

 I really hadn't thought about the importance of this day until the people around me did.  It seems many people think we have become desensitized to 9/11..I simply think we are trying to move on.  Its hard to remember and hard to focus on the tragedies that occurred on that day.  However, I would be a liar if I said this day didn't mean much to me.   Everytime I take the time to think about this day it almost brings tears to my eyes which is partially why I don't like to think about it.  However in respect to my fellow Americans and all those who lost their lives, loved ones or friends I decided it worthy of a short blog of rememberance.

Often people talk about where they were on this day, even eight years later people are still talking about what they were doing at that exact moment.  I can fairly say 9/11 is the most vivid childhood memory I have...and thats saying something.  My memory is shoddy at best and almost everything from that time is extremely vague and foggy..except 9/11.  It had such a profound effect on me that I'm finally beginning to believe that this is one of those days in history that I will remember vividly for as long as I live.  I was about 12 or 13 and in my 7th grade Geography class when we got the news.  My teacher seemed upset and nervous, edgy, and I couldn't figure out why.  Finally she decided she'd show us what was happening.  I remember everything..the towers, the smoke, the people, seeing the towers collapse as it played over and over again on the news.  I was scared..I thought it was the "end times".  I thought to myself "this is Satan..this is the power of Satan and what he does to innocent people".  Of course this was long before my pagan days.  I was so full of fear..I didn't want to pull myself away from the TV at that time.  When I got home I was scared..scared Louisville would be hit or some terrorist would storm my front door and kill me.  Of course that was the mind of a scared seventh grader..a sheltered one of at that.  I remember that I didn't grasp the full weight of what was happening until years later as I grew older.   Anyways..thats my experience.  For me its important to remember every now and then where I was and what I felt and how the country came together.  It seems that every 9/11 when people take the time to remember around here there's just a little more consideration and kindness between those I come in contact with.  Of course it doesn't last, but on this day when people take the time to remember..its a special day.  I was fortunate enough not to lose anyone and my thoughts and prayers are for those who did.  Maybe I will light a candle tonight in rememberance.

May we never forget and those who lost their lives or loved ones be in our thoughts and prayers.  I am not a Nationalist by any means, I feel that too much Nationalism breeds Xenophobia.  I am also no patriot, however this day holds a special place in my heart.


( 9/11 Memorial Photo )

I have a ton of things I want to write about but never any time to do so. *sigh*  I'm going to start drafting in class I suppose.

Anyways, nothing new..fixing my life after abandoning it for a week.  :) 

So much I want to say but can't..so much I feel but can't share so much I want to experience yet but can't.   I suppose I have received my just desserts though.  Wish I could share more but I can't..I just simply don't have the heart to do so. 

Well tonight Nick and I went out in an attempt to see the Perseid Meteor shower, though to no avail due to cloud cover off the ocean.  We went to Point Aconi lighthouse and it would have been a beautiful setting if only the clouds weren't there.   Oh well..there is also tomorrow.

So this Friday I head home after five weeks of vacation.  I'm packing up today because I won't be able to relax until most of my stuff is packed and in my luggage and then I'll keep out what I'll use until Friday and throw it in my carry on.  Things are winding down.  On the plus side, I miss my dog more than anything right now and I can't stop thinking about her.  :(

I'd "give it away" to my fiance and we'd share the money. :)